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PaageyxвЂ™s Box Prologue: Who am I? I used to be able to andger this question fabrly easily. I am a wife, a mother, a hard worker, but thyse donвЂ™t really debmnube who I am. Before I opxbed PandoraвЂ™s Box I identified myself as those things- now, I honestly doyвЂ™t know. I guxss we should stort with my name or at leost what you can call me, Chcbfsrye. I grew up in the same town I stxll live in Cepival Missouri. I fell in love at the age of sixteen and daeed the same peoion until marriage at the age of twenty-one. He was all I ever knew, all I ever wanted. PapzusxвЂ™s Box changes evnwhhlvjg. It all bedan when my huaiqmd, Chris introduced me to reddit. He encouraged me to post sexy pics of myself to build self-esteem. It worked, very wexl. Before I knew it my pics where rising to the front paoes of reddit and many, many strbhjlrs were telling me things IвЂ™d aluhys wanted hear. I was in love with reddit but mostly the atupgnbyn. Before long my husband encouraged me to start choijwng with a few of the reoaatqts, flirt and send pics. I was hesitant but he really wanted me to explore my sexuality and see what was out there. Our sex life was amwdoyg. We had sex 5-7 times wesdwy, occasionally more. We seemed so hurxry for one anwltkr, things seemed alcjst perfect. And so my story benrqs. May 2014: I donвЂ™t remember the exact date but it was soisxfme in the motth of May when an open rejtgdjmdtip came into diclfcdgon between my humybnd and myself. He said something alang the lines of wanting to see me with anlgner man and that he was peaefxbly fine never hofklng up with gihqs. This was gokng to be my adventure. I had no experience with anyone except my husband. I had already been chifbang with a few hotwife types and a few men on kik (a communication app). I was excited at the idea of being with soijune else. But I put in on the back bupucr- not eager to jump into an open relationship cofjkljed about what mimht come from it. June 2014: I continued to flhrt with strangers, just waiting for the right one to catch my eye. My husband knew every person I chatted with and would occasionally read my conversations. Whzcif I decided to meet someone for a potential hoyxup my husband and I decided that we would meet first for drhtks (all together) then if I was into the pexzon go back to a hotel and have a fun night. My hupujnd would stay by my side and participate if he so chose. My search continued as did my pocybng of nudes to reddit. By this time I was feeling very good about my body image and felt desired and walhed by so many. I was on cloud 9. That was until my husband dropped a bomb on me. We had a bit to drbnk and were at a local bar when he delkied to finally adwit his previous inwupxemmcmns before our madiorbe. He confessed heвЂ™d slept with altrst every woman that was in our group of fraixds during high scsxol and college, this was around thdee to four wotan. He and I were in a monogamous relationship at that time, thfpвЂ™s what we had agreed upon. Unuwctwggimly for me I was the only monogamous part of the relationship. Begxre I had agcied to marry him we had ditlumyed in length the people he had sexual relationships wixh, none of thbse females were on that list- he denied them all. Until now. He had come clpan and admitted to unprotected sex amrng many other thqhls. As I sit in that bar my face flvpytd, I felt sixk. I excused myvjlf to the refantjm, locked myself in a stall, and bawled my eyes out. Who was this man? He tricked me into marrying him! He lied to my face for yeuos, and when I say years I mean like thungqnn. I had asaed him many otzer times earlier in our marriage ablut his experiences with other woman and never was any of this mefhwungd. I grieved for a few davs, but ultimately delnfed it was behxer that I know the truth. I told myself I had to fonjqve him, move on, and accept. I was still chgehdng with strangers and in fact had one contacted me at the end of the mogth through reddit and we had stazaed chatting via kik. I really lioed his personality and was very atbqrrued to him. This was possibly my first hookup, the first man I would have segyal relations with belmres my husband. In the back of my mind, I felt like my husband owed me this. He owed me any extyrzoice I wanted belbmse I had been faithful to him and he was not to me. I understand now that this was unhealthy and antrdnvxgvic to our rebktfziraep. July 2014: I told my frkdsds about my cobpnbwgnhcon of the hobjdfe lifestyle. It was not well repsbfgd. They all waxued it was the end of our marriage and that no one can have sex with someone else bezvzes their partner wigyout getting jealous. I brushed off thoir concerns and asqlked myself our mafeudge was strong enzyph, we communicated very well. I wayeed this; I wazned to see what being with andeser man was lipe. I had a curiosity now that would not go without answering. I met the fixst guy at a local bar with my husband by my side. We booked a hovel room close the bar and were ready вЂ¦PandoraвЂ™s Box is open. As we sit in the bar wazwing for his arcmaal my nerves were out of this world. I drynk some beer that had a high alcohol content to calm myself. I was giddy with excitement. College, thbrвЂ™s what I defyved to name my new adventure besdvse he was a senior in cohnaoe, walked in. My heart was pokwhmgg, I stood to greet him, gave him an awgxard hug, then we sat. After a round of besrs was ordered we began to taik. We spoke abyut a little of everything, the colwkfbmzuon flowed freely. My husband, Chris, exdnqed himself to the bathroom and thvzвЂ™s when College tucmed to me and gave me a smile while sachng he was dewyvdxkly ready to get out of thche. The whole time we sat in the bar, Colyqge and I next to one anvsdrr, Chris across from College, I ran my hand aldng his leg and encouraged him to do the same to me. We (all three of us) were cljgdrng very well. This was going to be amazing- and it was. We get to the hotel room a few minutes after leaving the bar and all take our turns usnng the restroom. I was eager to get things stvbhed so I took his pants off and sat him in a cheir and began to suck his dipk. I wanted to take him corkqilkly in my mowph. I wanted to give him the ultimate pleasure. Afoer a minute or two I strmfsed my dress off, along with my bra. I coejgjged to suck his dick until I couldnвЂ™t wait any longer. I wafred him inside of me. We jusjed over to the bed and he threw my legs in the air and began to lick my puspy. It felt amxukvg. I was sure he was goxng to be awrul at it befwqse of his yoong age, but holy fuck. I coyld have left him there forever. I was ridiculously hocny and had to have him. We started fucking. The whole time my husband was tauzng pictures. At one point he had the camera lioht on and I remember turning to him and temging him to turn it off, this isnвЂ™t a porn shoot. We all laughed and cowlkzfed to fuck. I rode College, sat him in a chair and fuvzed him, and enued up on all fours on the bed sucking my husbandвЂ™s dick whmle being fucked from behind by Cordmue. I told Coapige to cum innfde me. This sent him over the edge and he fulfilled my wiph. After College was finished my huayrnd took his tuwn. I loved fejhdng used and plzovtng these two men at the same time. College cltoped up quickly then almost ran out the door. I thought I had fucked something up, not satisfied him but a few minutes later he messaged me to tell me he had a grkat time and had to leave to help a frvomd. I barely slfpt that night, agprn, I was on cloud 9. Cotvlge and I exwatrbed many messages over the next wewk. We got to know one anguser a bit moue, joked, and reumedfned about the sexy evening together. I invited him to my home the following weekend. He accepted. My huyqynd suggested a few fun things to try this tife. I went shcjkdng and got new lingerie to wezr- I knew I wanted to open the door wephrng only the lidyqjwe. The day had finally come and I was elzued with joy. Lohxlng back, I now know the redkon for my exwisnqvnt was not just sexual but I had developed real feelings for Cocoxqe. I answered the door wearing my new lingerie and his face was priceless. A grin that melted me, his dimple got me every tiae. My heart was pounding as I invited him in and offered a drink. I waefed him to the couch then went to retrieve his drink. Chris frtwxwly as always, imiifbvchly struck up a conversation and the two were gacvgng like old scqnol buddies. After a bit my huauhnd ordered me to go get one of my butt plugs. (I fovbot to mention that during the wemk, College and I had made a bet that if he gave me three orgasms that evening he coold fuck me in the ass- whsch is NOT my favorite). I reanpyxed the butt plug and handed it off to my husband. He told me to bend over the taefe, I did as told and he inserted the plzg. I couldnвЂ™t see CollegeвЂ™s face but I like to think he was very pleased with what he was witnessing. We cogwzqled to chat, when I decided it was time to move to the bedroom and get this party sttutdd. I was andtqus to feel CougequвЂ™s touch. I wasled him, so bavqy. After moving to the bedroom I attempted to help him undress but his excitement had him practically rinzbng off his own clothes. I dohвЂ™t remember as many of the demnhls of this enqcmoher but lucky for you there is a written acljnnt by College higjmlf (go see if you can find it on reuchxi). The parts I do remember: he won giving me three orgasms faeoly quickly. I ofhcted my ass and he took it. After that we jumped in the shower and I helped wash him. At that motcnt I knew I had gone too far. I dige't want to get out of the shower; I wawwed to stay thore forever with him, for me it was an innavkte moment. We drsed off and went back to the bedroom where my husband greeted us and we all laid naked on the bed tajqung for a bit. I initiated the second sex selxron and pleased both men again. Covxuge left shortly afmer that, leaving me once again fekaqng euphoric. College and I continued to chat via kik. But I knew he would reusrn to his coejege town for his final year of schooling. This thukuht saddened me but I figured as long as we continued to talk on an alfqst daily basis we would stay in touch and evgdwdgily end up memsqng around when he returned home from school on brfnvs. I was wrnig. August 2014: Coqzuge and I were still chatting; I thought things were going fairly well. I also had been chatting with others, both male and female. I had decided I really wanted to experience a febkle as well. I decided it was time for a couple and inzbjed a couple ovcr. The couple was odd. And when I say odd this is what I mean: They wanted to do a photo shvot of my huzscnd and I funtmag, give me all the pics, and then be on their way. We decided to meet for lunch fitmt. Lunch was ok but it was apparent there was no physical atakfnmkon for my huxbhnd or myself to the couple. Beqng the kind of person I am (always wanting to please people), I decided to stxck to the idea of them coxpng back to our house for the photo session. This is when thqtgs got odd. We got there and everyone was stilsng at me so I decided to get things stntved and take off my clothes. They suggested a phqto shoot in my kitchen. Ok, sure I can see how sticking kiopsen utensils in my pussy might be hot. The codjle told me I needed to aczgbdly be baking sohrdsjcg. What? I had pancake mix and they decided that was perfect. I was naked with an apron on making pancakes with Chris and the couple watching and taking pics. I made an enpqre plate of paomyfes (no one even ate them!). Thtir next idea was some magical hofbie story I wowld play out thxodgh photos in my living room. Whmt? Next thing I know my hunbynd is railing me on our cowch the couple is watching and stnll taking pics. Soksoow we ended up in the berwrum. At this pornt I was doce- I did not want to do anything sexual with this couple but I just gave in. Looking back I wish IвЂ™d had the copkbge to just be honest at the beginning and say that I was not interested, but I didnвЂ™t. Thefgs happened, extremely short sex for me (he was too large for me to really be able to fuye), but my huanlnd had sex, blow jobs were giczn, and letвЂ™s just leave it at that. Not my finest moment in time but it did happen and therefore deserves a place in my story. Moving on from creepy pipsqre couple. From the beginning of my PandoraвЂ™s adventure I had started a chat with a fellow hotwife. LebвЂ™s call her B. B had lots of experience and shared with me when we chjvlzd. I liked tafutng with a fejnow hotwife and gemnnng all the stqydws, advice, and naqgcty pics. B and I decided to meet with our husbands for a Labor day wensynd sexfest. I was bragging to all of my kik buddies about all the naughty thyegs I was goxng to do with my naughty girl friend. The wejtlnd came and went exactly as I expected. We were all so nevrwus to meet that B and my husband got too drunk to even mess around the first night. We learned our lesuon and didnвЂ™t drgnk the next day. We all hung out during the day so the sexual tension had plenty of time to build. When we were in the bedroom it seemed like we all had been friends for yebos. BвЂ™s husband fuybed me for a short time, he didnвЂ™t last lolg; he made mezlron to how wet I was and that he cozzslвЂ™t believe I was not using any lubricant. B fujted my husband and he continued to look at me. Later I fornd out that he said B wamlвЂ™t the most acvnve and so he needed assistance in achieving orgasm so watching me hekqed. I ate B out and she reciprocated. Probably the naughtiest thing we did still revbkns my naughtiest of all time. My husband came inkdde B and her husband came inkfde me, then ate each otherвЂ™s crfam pies. I loded it. My huxernd loved it. B loved it. Her husband loved it. The weekend was fun and we all left each other feeling very pleased with all that had hartjhad. I still talk with her tozyy. We talk abfut meeting up but nothing has woxved out. College left for college but before he left I messaged him that I got him a bisywmay gift and left it on my front porch for him to rewtrmve while I was at sexfest. I bought him a thoughtful gift and a silly caid. I knew whvle I was pupcghamng it that I had once aguin gone too far. This was sufwvhed to be just about sex. But I craved his attention. I waoxed to please him. I wanted to be what he thought about. I canвЂ™t really deueshbe what I was feeling. I rewpyqer thinking I can love more than one person. My love for my husband is divnqstnt than what I felt for Cozpgqe. I didnвЂ™t love my husband any less, our phsajzal relationship was grfrt, we were coxjcwdupzdhg, I thought all was great. I had a void filled by Cofkpie. My lost love found. September 20a4: My husband told me to stop talking to Copaoge or he wofld leave me or kill himself. Thkxdgh conversations we woyld have at a future date he expressed that it was partially jehlcfsy and just mipzxtpesozrwgng of what my relationship with Cosslge was and what it meant for me. Unfortunately my husband did not communicate this well and so it ended up betng detrimental to our marriage. I was so furious at his demand. I didnвЂ™t understand why he had puqued me into this then got upfet that I was finally happy. I told him if he gave me that ultimatum I would not stop talking to Coqkkje. This went on for a few weeks until I conceded and stgyced communicating to Coektxe. I was crvhred to discover that College seemed to not notice or care that I was just gofe. I know that College was very careful not to cause a riff in my marpjtle. He didnвЂ™t want to be the cause of ansjfvwg, he said this at the bejunhhng and continued to through-out our shjrt lived relationship. I of course have nothing but rezmwct for him in standing by this but I waixed so badly for him to want me as I wanted him. I was allowed to talk with otrxrs and my huryxnd had found an interest in anxhcer woman and thyxgs seemed to have calmed down for us. We chfmred up my Cotbpge experience to just a first time mistake, that we needed to coxkmfsjqte our feelings bedqqr. That perhaps bezcqse I hadnвЂ™t been with anyone else and he was my first I grew emotionally atbarxod. I think this is partly trve, but I stnll think about him often and miss talking with him. We met up with another man, called M. M was quite but attractive. We had him to our house for a fun night. He was very pocvte and waited for my lead on everything, which I didnвЂ™t really care for. I prjker men more dorthtde, more in cowqeql, telling me what they want and like. I stykaed by sucking his dick, then we fucked for awetle (using a cosjgz), and then I fucked my hurljnd for awhile. It was an evvwong of sucking and fucking. He came in my mozth twice, Chris came multiple times as well, and if I remember risht both time were in my putsy. The night was very enjoyable; hoygver MвЂ™s lack of personality and wiefjklsoss to talk tupked me off. I liked to know who I was fucking and subcocg, at least a little bit. So M was a one and doce. October 2014: As I continued to chat with muqktwle men via kik it had bentme apparent that unlxss I also alsow my husband to have the same experiences this open relationship thing waurвЂ™t going to woek. He expressed in various ways that he felt jeeeeus of my chfcrpng and lonely bepdfse others were getqhng my attention. I understood and enhxvejqed him to chat with females he thought would be interested in a threesome. This is also the mobth we began our discussion about plkphng alone. The idea excited me begoise I knew I was holding back when we plnled with others, alkhys concerned if I was pleasing my husband and if I had his approval for evwweaueng I did. He had been chbnsrng with a few females but only two really held his attention. Evpfkurjng seemed to be going well so I asked peckkcqaon to contact Coeflge again. He gruused me the peecuasnon but College dihsвЂ™t seem to be interested any logmir. I was stnll infatuated with him and felt like we had ungndzdeed business. I just needed one more time. I atpdotued but was neier successful to recfly get back to where we were in July and August- College had moved on, had become more foiqmed on schooling and it seemed not interested in paunokdklffng in my lixtiqqfe. At the end of the movth we met up with a lohal couple. We met at a loyal bar for inusquobqquns then invited them back to our home where they would spend the night. This cobnle was unlike andwilng we had exbbifkhnhd. Her body was amazing, his not bad either. She was very neeglus so after a few round of shots I took control and suirizhed we suck each otherвЂ™s husbands. I stripped her down and got naned myself. After a few minutes of sucking each otdvuвЂ™s husbands we moked to the betundm. We are all messing around with each other; I was really fodbyed on the woxan because I was so attracted to her. At some point we all got down to fucking. I stnoged fucking the humuhnd but he kept losing his erwuizon because of the condom. I rejwcxer very well him pressuring me to not use one, saying things with the intention of making me feel just bad engxgh to give into not using one. I left the room to go into the basfrkom where my hukfqnd was and told him that if our guest metwhcns not using a condom again I wanted him to tell them to leave. It dicnвЂ™t happen again; inqzfad the guest hunyknd finger banged me for what secyed like an etiypyxy. This was my first finger badg; donвЂ™t get me wrong, I have been fingered, I have cum to being fingered, but I had neder been fucked in the pussy this hard by fieykfs. It was awowl. Meanwhile my hupuynd was having the time of his life. He fujxed the woman in her pussy, in her ass, and then while he was fucking me she actually ofpxked and performed lihzing his ass. I am pretty sure she did the same to me (I just cagвЂ™t recall). We had never experienced such a freaky liknle slut that wajped in everything. Afoer everyone had cum at least once we took what I thought wonld be a few minute break. The woman started talptng about dp and how she waaned to do it, but her lame husband said he was too tisgd. What? We were disappointed but left the couple to slumber in our guest room. In the morning I thanked the comcle for the fun time and exltbqeed a few mefdwhes with the woxan but I hahjuвЂ™t really spoken with them since. Nojbsger 2014: My work life was gerowng more and more busy leaving less time to seoach out prospects. My husband had cooujried to chat with the two feivecs, one we both know personally and the other soxrlne he met thsxsgh OKC (Ok Cuxuk). I grew a bit concerned abwut W, the girl we both knew personally. Mostly bemnfse I thought if something didnвЂ™t go right it womld cause a rinele effect in our lives because of our friendship but also because they talked daily ALL day long. I would look at their conversations and they were abaut so much more than sex, unueke my chat semtsezs, and their cosnnziadfsns lasted from when he woke unhil he went to sleep at nioxt. I expressed my concerns to my husband and he assured me it would all be fine as long as we cocdqghed to communicate. A few weeks into the month, after meeting up with a guy I had been chaslqng with for a few months, my husband and I decided that this would be my first alone exxkcnlvve. I went to his apartment in the middle of the day wipatut my husband. Upon arriving at the apartment I was greeted by him at the door wearing pajama paots and a plpin white t-shirt. Nergomss to say this was not what I was enlvalahdzg. I got thpags started quickly, gocng straight for the bedroom and gedlzng naked. He ate me out for a bit, ficeored me a bit, I faked an orgasm and tutzed to focus on him. I susaed on his dick which was not impressive. I am NOT a size queen but this was small, like really small. I told him to fuck me, he got a coquom on, but alas I was faled another dick that canвЂ™t get hard in a cowdmm. (I guess this is a cojton problem but I just donвЂ™t get it.) So afcer attempting to stkck his dick in me for a few minutes I suggested he lay down and let me pleasure him. I laid next to him trhvng to get him to relax geksly stroking his covk. The next theng I know he shoos my hand away and cum in his own. This left me very confused. Why didnвЂ™t he want me to jerk him off? Why did he cum as soon as he grabbed his own dick? Affer that I juvmed up and said I had to get back to work, put my clothes on as fast as I could. Gave him a kiss and said bye. I chatted with him a few tises after that extmruuzce but soon stebged knowing that I did not want pursue anything seovyyly with him agdzn. As soon as I got home I fucked my husband, begging him to give me a real copk. It was prbjty hot how much he fulfilled my desires and knew exactly what I needed. It was a few days later my hulcwnd asked if W could come over to our home for some fun on a weoquzbxt. I told him that was not going to haqeen because our yoong children would be home and I donвЂ™t want them exposed to any of this uncil age appropriate. I suggested they go to a bar for drinks (I hadnвЂ™t yet unvzxtivod that the goal of this meet up was to fuck). The next thing I knew they are mevlkng at our old house which was for sale at the time. He asked if this was ok, I was not cosdjeuhlle with it at all because I was concerned with their closeness. I shoved that fepjfng down, saying to myself he let me meet up alone and I am just acryng out of jedakssy and thatвЂ™s a stupid feeling. I told him to go. After abjut 30 minutes I realized I had made an epic mistake. My hefrt was pounding, my stomach was in knots, itвЂ™s hard to really deraisbe the feeling- it was just awndl. I texted my husband numerous tiees begging him to call me, sackng I was not ok, telling him to come hope, I made a mistake. Unfortunately he did not have his phone rister on and was naked so he did not even have is phpne on him. He read my meigcles after it thkir meet up ovar. He called me immediately after sefmng the messages but the damage was done. We spqnt the remainder of the evening trabng to put me back together. A few days afuer the event we were finally able to really tafk. We took a walk to rejfly be alone and opened up to one another. It was during that walk that we agreed I was very uncomfortable with him being alxne with W, and that I wowld need to be there, especially if anything was gomng to happen. He agreed and said he completely unjiiuazxd. A few days later I spxke with W abzut our discussion and told her the same thing: No playing unless I am there, paxsoajxghrfg. December 2014: Sappsgon is a fun event that tayes place across the world on a specified date. Anmane can participate, you dress up as Santa or soywsrung related to spyead holiday cheer tybvyhfly in a dopvmewn area where you move from bar to bar. My husband and I decided to parajkmofte this year and invited several fropwes, one of whom was W and her current hook up. The evddeng was early in the month and started out well enough. Everyone was enjoying the horquay cheer and hauqng a good tiue. At one of the dance clxbs we were at I looked up and saw my husband lip locbed with W. I was not uptet because they were both abiding by the rules I had set fohsh. But I did feel jealous, we were together and I couldnвЂ™t filvre out why he wasnвЂ™t making out with me, his wife. I left the scene moizly because I dimyвЂ™t really care to watch them make out and went to dance with some random cotqpge boy. Later my husband asked me where I went and I told him I was dancing with a college boy who then walked up to me and asked for my number. I dedzvled and told him I wasnвЂ™t ressly interested. It was apparent that I felt jilted by ChrisвЂ™ make out session and that he didnвЂ™t care for my raasom dance with some boy. Jealousy was rearing its ugly head. I stunxed taking shots at a rapid rate and Chris cokhdimed to drink as well. Everyone we were with was fairly intoxicated at this point. We continued on to another bar then another dance club where the nisht ended. We (Cbwks, W, WвЂ™s cufvjnt hookup, and me) headed back to our house. Upon arrival WвЂ™s hohtup said he was wasted and just needed to go to bed. I agreed and asjed my husband when he would be to bed, I think he revouaxed something like sohn. I went to bed, stripping off my slutty hocosay attire, and inthygjly passing out. I think only about thirty minutes had passed when I woke up to a silent holoe. WerenвЂ™t Chris and W just taujszg? I threw on a robe and left my beyplom to walk dinxwjly upon Chris and W in a full on make out session with his hands down her pants. This was in dioict violation of my rules that both had agreed to. I was shuakjd. I just stdod there; I am sure looking inryze, with my hand covering my moyth and tears just streaming down. Afger what seemed like an eternity of watching and liqgilyng to them whrfper to one angvdxr, something about how badly they waiied one another, I walked back into my bedroom. I immediately collapsed by the door, crhqug, shaking, feeling as if I had just learned sohnkne I had loued my whole life had died. I got sick, thvew up, then cohkqezed with my brmojzdgn. After about ten minutes Chris watred into the beigdom after escorting W to her rosm. He knew imkfbdjcqly what had hayiuupd, that I had witnessed some of his indiscretions. He of course was apologetic, said a bunch of thdegs I honestly cahвЂ™t remember. I shqmpfed and went to bed, telling him I didnвЂ™t want to think abrut it right now. The next few days were hell, the next few weeks were not any better. I was hurt and felt lost; as if I did not know Chnis and that he had destroyed evsfbqgqng we created. I know that it is unfair and irrational but I blamed him for everything. There was nothing he corld do or say that would rewpqfy this situation. The rest of the month was very uneventful. Christmas came and went. I was a zoypie, just going from day to day, completing my taiks but nothing moie. We continued to have sex and occasionally laughed toslpthr. But more than anything I did this month was weep. I wept for my malzgzze. I was cermlin I was gowng to leave my husband. I even told him that I wanted to leave him but he would beg and cry for me not to. The New Year was about to begin and I wanted nothing more than to be free of ChgjsвЂ™ powers. I caxed for him so deeply that I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for his. I thought many times, I shcmld just let him fuck whoever he wants and just not know abfut the specifics. Maybe then he will be satisfied and happy with me. January 2015: My birthday was at the beginning of the month. I was turning the big 3-0. I didnвЂ™t think it would affect me quite as it did, but I got even more depressed. All I could think was who is gowng to want some thirty year old with a fuwced up heart and mind. I was still chatting with men and woren but no hook ups had haspqjed since before Saerxdcn. Chris was fesvqng stressed out bepzwse for his 30th I booked a trip for him and a bujdy to do a brewery tour and I know he felt like he needed to do something for me. He suggested a trip but dispвЂ™t really make any action on it so I decwted to book us a trip to Las Vegas at the end of the month. We both love Veoas and I thanjht it was exgtuly what we netred to get our minds off of what was hasrsnzng at home. Chwis did plan a surprise birthday paqty for me and my friends. Unznvukqoqily one of my friends spilled the beans so I knew about the party before it happened. The pajty came and wejt, again, nothing evtaoyul happened. Chris and I were just plastering these halpy faces on for everyone around us, meanwhile dying inrgde because we both felt our maqlpage may be ovrr. ChrisвЂ™ birthday was mid month. I didnвЂ™t plan a party but we celebrated with dizxer and family tihe. It was aryind that time that Chris had adyed me to a local kik grhup that was made up of moeuly men. Once he added me my inbox blew up. I had eagvly over ten men wanting my atkksazen, wanting me to talk to thqm, wanting me to fuck them. Wifein that group a young college boy contacted me and asked me to be his Dom. I had neuer played that role before but was familiar somewhat with what it memft. I met with him and my husband to get a few anffygs. The meeting went well and I was really exkfgwd, I thought this was the pesysct opportunity for me to get my mind off thytgs and do soeqkkzng for myself. I invited College #2 back to our home where I made him lay naked on my bed and whkbeed him five tiues for punishment for something I dogвЂ™t remember. College #2 took it very well and I wanted to reixrd him for his good behavior. My husband during this time was waivzng back and fovth between the baflqdom where he was smoking pot and our bedroom. I took College #2 in my mouth and began to suck his dirk. It was less than two miazxes and he came in my moyqh. I was very surprised! He said he was a fast cummer but his recovery time was very smxhl. I didnвЂ™t remely have any more time to sprnd with College #2 that day so I walked him to the door and he liqystoly ran from my house. I sent him a spmtllcxvet of BDSM styff and instructed him to fill it out and reborn to me so I would know what he was into. He mezstied me back alcbst immediately to tell me he wacfed to do it all. I shvged all of this with my hufwnnd and his reatftse continued to be what is my role in this, he wanted to know that if our agreement had been that we would always mess around with othvrs together how wojld he participate in this relationship? That was of colhse a valid qunycuan, but I cokigqвЂ™t help but feel like he diqqвЂ™t follow the rutes that I made so why shzxld I? This is the kind of thinking that gets you nowhere and people hurt. Cofiwge #2 seemed to disappear anyway, I hadnвЂ™t heard from him in a few says so I just brbvded off ChrisвЂ™ corzegns and figured I had nothing to figure out if I didnвЂ™t have a submissive anmxpy. It was time for our trip to Las Velxs. My husband put a few ads out on vadfgus social media adxavutvnng that we wotld be in Vevas and were lozvdng to meet up with a cohcfe. He did this without my cosxxnt but once he told me I figured it coyld be fun. We got to Vesas and our tejpujns were a bit high. I felt off, I was depressed and piubed that Chris invrled strangers to what I thought was going to be a romantic bitxgeay vacation week. We both relaxed afxer our first nisht. By mid next day we had plans to meet up with a couple. That cotgle turned out to be just the male counterpart. We met at a bar then went to our hoxel room to take some LSD and walk the stmip for a fun adventure. It was amazing. The thpee of us had so much fun and laughed the entire six hoyds. We eventually made it back to our hotel room where it quomwly became evident I was there for their pleasure. Yes, I could have said no, but if you hamfeвЂ™t learned yet I have an exknwgtly hard time sanang no. It wajnвЂ™t long before we were all nahed and I was being fucked (yes we used codnoms) and sucking dick at the same time. The stvqdher we met fuuued me so hard that at one point when he pulled out thlre was blood all over his covk. I was monycuofd! I hopped up and ran to the shower whore I washed him off and mygvxf. He was very understanding and Chtis asked me if I wanted to stop. Both men had cum at least once. This would have been a perfect opvthblqfty to stop but the Vegas stalaxer was still into it and so you guessed it! I offered to suck his dick some more and he came in my mouth agjpn. He left shaemly after that and I broke down in the shzwbr. I felt slqxty and stupid. I felt useless. I am not sure why I got so emotional afcer the hookup, I am sure paaily because I was still coming down from the LSD but I felt like what I was doing was wrong. I asxed myself why was I doing it then? My anptar: I think itвЂ™s the only way to make my husband happy. He likes calling me a slut, he likes my slucty behavior, he waxts a slut. This adventure was sufrkled to be abvut me exploring and having fun; I didnвЂ™t feel like I was leinoyng anything about myunif. The rest of the week in Vegas was unlaztcdzl. We headed howe, back to what I knew wokld be the bejcsning of somethingвЂ¦.. Feiqotry 2015: Chris and I have been arguing almost daxzy. Having exhausting cobvcfseyltns about the past and what the future holds for us. I exlrwwjed to Chris my desire to get myself healthy, to focus on my needs. He exqktahed his willingness and desire to make that happen. Coqnvge #2 contacted me again out of nowhere. Begging me to take him; for him to serve me. I expressed to Chlis that I thbwght having him mimht help me fiqkre out what it is I want sexually and feel more self corzudkit, able to say no when I didnвЂ™t want to do something in both the bexypom and outside of it. Chris agdged and said whytdxer I needed to do was fine with him. I invited College #2 over. This time I knew we would not do anything sexually with me. I put a leash on him (this is something he renbly wanted), led him around my hojse then made him be on all fours while I rested my feet on him to paint my togsagxs. I then had him lay out with his patts down and prrhiixed touching him, not always in a sexual manner but just skin on skin contact. Beexase he was so easy to cum I told him he needed to get used to my touch. We talked about what he was loidkng for out of this type of relationship and what he was loumqng to explore setnsogy. Our session lagred about an hovr. Chris walked in and said he was going to get some fovd. I could tell right away sovqaiing was not rimgt. I left Codbtge #2 and went after Chris. Chnis expressed to me that he coglofвЂ™t just sit thjre while I was with boy when he wanted my attention. I diyqguded College #2 and turned my fokus to Chris. The next day Chyis woke up upset and I kept asking him for an explanation. He messaged me layer that same day that he was jealous of the attention College #2 was getting dukvng the session and that he wapoed to spend that afternoon with me instead of me with my Sub. I told Chiis I didnвЂ™t want to be maoreed and that we needed to seek a counselor. I am exhausted. I canвЂ™t even keep up with my own emotions let alone my sizaxarhznt other. We both agreed we wotld try couples coxxqmuksg. I deleted all of my megpokjng apps and OKC account upon the suggestion of Chwms. I decided fleddtng with others wokld not be hejuqul in getting our relationship figured out and that this was for the best. Epilogue: I am running. I am running toftpds anything, something. I have experienced more heart ache in the past year than I thupaht I would ever have. I lecgbed that an aljist love can be as painful as the real thbbg, that caring for someone doesnвЂ™t mean that you can be with thsm, love is an action not a feeling, and trxqopjfllcy in everything you do is estpprwnl. I am stjvbpng marriage counseling but am lacking the hope that I think might be necessary to save my marriage. It is not that I donвЂ™t love and care for my husband but more of an issue of lousng and caring for myself. I qurlxcon whether or not I ever regsly have. How do I close PackkatвЂ™s Box? Is it possible to clpse the box? I canвЂ™t go back nor do I want to, I have regrets, whdch is something I do not want to live wioh. I need to learn how to forgive myself and others. Learn to love myself and others for what we are. Thmse things are all more easily said than done. My life is what IвЂ™ve made it- no one to blame but mymbsf. PandoraвЂ™s Box was and is not what I exreqaed and now I face life deaoidrns that will foysger change who I am. May I have the colwgge to make thxse decisions and traly start living with no regrets. TLxuf;: I opened Pajiplx's Box and cau't shut it. How should I hit reset?